


Turmoil

by noelleleithe



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:53:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noelleleithe/pseuds/noelleleithe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want you so much it's killing me not to drag you to bed right this second."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turmoil

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place on August 17, 2010.

Luke felt as if ants were crawling all over his skin.

He hadn't been this jittery in years. He'd been fighting the urge to drink all afternoon, worse than it had been in months. The last time he'd come this close to falling into a bottle was the day he broke things off with Noah.

Unsurprisingly, Noah figured into today's feelings, too.

Noah had stepped up big time just a couple of weeks earlier. He'd shown up at Lily's house, where Luke was still living, asked to talk to him in private, and given a speech that nearly took Luke's knees out from under him.

"I just want you to know two things, Luke," he'd said, standing in nearly the same spot on the patio where he'd been when they'd last kissed. "I still love you. I never stopped. And I'm _not_ giving up on you. I want you back, Luke. For good this time. I'm not going to stalk you, and I'm not going to try to undermine Reid, or your relationship with him. But I'm not going to avoid you, either, and I'm going to try to help you remember how good things were with us, and learn to trust in how good they can be again."

He'd smiled, cupped Luke's cheek, and disappeared.

The ensuing days had been half heaven and half hell. Noah sent him short emails, telling him funny stories about customers or his classes, and greeted him with a warm smile and light conversation whenever he came into Java during one of Noah's shifts, or if they ran into each other in Old Town. He renewed his relationships with Luke's family members, especially delighting Emma and Natalie, and had accepted each invitation for dinner at the house or the farm. He'd taken Natalie and Ethan out for ice cream and spent half a day in the barn with Holden, helping him unload a big load of hay bales.

It was almost like before everything that had happened. Except that Luke was still with Reid. Noah had been true to his word and nothing but cordial to Reid the few times they'd seen each other. Reid seemed puzzled by the whole thing, but he hadn't said anything to Luke about it. Not until this afternoon, at least. Luke and Reid ate lunch at Al's, and as they were leaving, they crossed paths with Noah.

"Hey, Luke," Noah said, sliding his hands into his jeans pockets, the only outward sign that he wasn't completely at ease. He nodded at Reid. "Reid," he said, his tone surprisingly friendly. "How are you?"

Luke could almost feel Reid holding back from wrapping his arm around Luke's waist or shoulders. Staking a claim. "Fine," Reid replied. "Busy. How about you?"

Noah shrugged one shoulder and smiled. "The same," he said. "Trying to finish up classes so I can graduate, and working a lot." He nodded down at the green t-shirt he wore. "Have another shift starting in a few."

Silence fell between them, and Luke finally swallowed and spoke. "Did, um, did Mom call you about Sunday? She said she was going to."

Noah grinned then. "Yeah, Natalie's swim party at the pond? She said Nat threatened to call the whole thing off if I wasn't there. I'm going to get my schedule shifted around today."

"Good." Out of the corner of his eye, Luke saw Reid shift on his feet. "Well, I need to get back to the foundation office," he said quickly. "Good to see you, Noah."

"You too." Noah smiled and waved, walking off in the direction of Java.

Reid didn't say anything for a good thirty seconds after he left. "So." Luke tried not to wince at the tone of his voice. "Noah's invited to your sister's party?"

_And I'm not_ , was the unspoken implication. Luke half turned to face Reid. "Yes, he is," he said, keeping his voice as steady as possible. "I told you, Reid, Noah's important to my family. He's been a big part of their lives for years. Natalie barely remembers when he wasn't around, and Ethan doesn't at all. And Noah doesn't have his own family. They're all he has. I'm not about to do anything to take that away from them _or_ from him."

Reid nodded. "Right," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I should just keep my mouth shut about you spending all that time with your ex-boyfriend?"

Luke was suddenly furious. "Yes, you should," he spat out. "Noah is going to be part of my life whether you like it or not. And if you can't handle that, well, maybe you shouldn't be with me."

He didn't wait for a response, turning on his heel and stalking off toward his car.

He'd spent the afternoon unable to concentrate. His own words kept running through his mind. _Noah is going to be part of my life_. He'd said similar things multiple times over the past few years, and he'd meant it every time. But this was different somehow. Maybe it was because he'd come so close to not having Noah in his life.

Or maybe it was that he hadn't told Reid about Noah's pronouncement two weeks earlier. And that he didn't feel the least bit guilty about it.

He left the office shortly after five and drove around aimlessly for a while, lost in thought. Usually he'd be calling Reid and going over there for the evening, but that wasn't happening tonight. He knew he needed to talk to Reid. He just didn't know what he needed to say.

Maybe that was why he'd found himself sitting in his car outside Noah's apartment building.

He climbed out, feeling as if he were on autopilot, and walked up to the building. Standing in front of Noah's door, mind in turmoil, he closed his eyes for a brief second before knocking.

Noah answered quickly, smiling at him as he pulled the door open. "I was wondering how long you were going to sit downstairs."

Luke stared at him for just a few seconds before grabbing him by the back of the neck and kissing him so hard he thought his lips would bruise.

Noah made a sound of surprise but then responded enthusiastically, pulling Luke toward him, wrapping both arms around his back. Their bodies molded together, fitting just as perfectly as they always had, and Luke moaned into Noah's mouth as he felt Noah growing hard against his hip.

Luke pulled back just far enough to get his hands between them and starting working the buttons of Noah's shirt open. When Noah grabbed his hands and broke the kiss, Luke looked up at him, surprised.

"No," Noah said. Luke opened his mouth to reply, but Noah didn't let him. "No, Luke, I won't do this," he said. "I can't. I want you so much it's killing me not to drag you to bed right this second, but I'm not going to do it. Not while you're still with Reid."

Luke froze, his mouth still open. _Shit_. He'd forgotten about Reid entirely. For a few blissful moments, it had been as if nothing else existed but Noah. 

But that wasn't the reality.

Noah stepped back, still holding Luke's hands, but softer now. "I meant what I said, Luke," he said gently. "I want you back, and I'll do what it takes to make that happen. But I draw the line at cheating on your boyfriend."

Luke flushed and nodded. "Sorry," he rasped. "I, um. Guess I got a little carried away?" He tried a smile, and Noah returned it.

"Yeah, I know the feeling," he said. He tightened his grip on Luke's hands for just a moment. "I'm not going to say anything to Reid about this, Luke," he said, voice still soft. "That's up to you. I know you care about Reid, and that's okay. I'm okay with that. But I think you have a decision to make."

Luke nodded and swallowed. "Yeah."

Noah squeezed Luke's hands once more before letting go. "Take the time you need, Luke," he said. "I want you to be sure. And I'm not going anywhere."

Luke nodded again. "I ... thanks," he said, searching Noah's eyes, seeing nothing but warmth and concern there, no anger. "I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this."

Noah shook his head. "Don't worry about me," he said. "Whatever you decide, I'll be okay." He crooked a small smile. "Eventually, anyway. You're not an easy guy to get over, Snyder."

Luke bit his lip and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Guess I should go," he said. "I'll see you Sunday?"

Noah nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." He grinned. "Besides, I think Nat would track me down if I didn't show up. She's a bossy little thing."

Luke grinned back. "She's a Snyder," he said. "It kind of runs in the family."

Noah laughed, the sound washing over Luke's skin like a warm breeze. "Well, if you see her when you get home, tell her she'd better watch her back. I still owe her for that cannonball she pulled the last time we went swimming."

Luke had to laugh, too, at the memory of Noah's full-body flinch of surprise where he sat on the dock as Nat sent up a plume of water into his face and chest. Luke had laughed so hard then at Noah's reaction he thought he'd pull a muscle.

"I'll be sure she's fully warned," he said. He took a step back toward the doorway, which was still open. "Have a good night, Noah, and I'll see you soon."

Noah lifted his hand to grip the side of the door, preparing to close it. "You too," he said. "And Luke?" He bit his lip, then seemed to make a decision and met Luke's eyes. "I love you," he said in a low voice.

Luke's heart pounded, and he managed to nod. "I know," he rasped in response, fighting the urge to throw himself at Noah again and never resurface. "And for whatever it's worth? I love you, too."

Noah smiled softly. "It's worth a lot," he murmured, and Luke gave him another smile in response before turning and heading back down the hallway. He hadn't made it through the storm yet, but he was starting to feel like maybe the skies were getting a little clearer.


End file.
